


my heart has turned to wax

by cosmogyral



Category: The Bible
Genre: Dark, Gen, purimgifts 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-11
Updated: 2009-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-02 06:23:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmogyral/pseuds/cosmogyral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Esther knows what she is doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart has turned to wax

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quasiradiant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quasiradiant/gifts).



> With apologies for revisionism. The title is from Psalm 22.
> 
> Originally posted for the Purim Gifts 2009 ficathon, as a gift for quasiradiant.

"Mordecai," Esther says, with a rasp in her voice. "Get up."

Mordecai looks like a statue of a man kneeling -- looks like the vague, bronze suggestion of an idol, looks like sacrilege, looks wrong. His face is hidden by his bowed head. He doesn't answer.

"Mordecai, please." Esther sinks down next to him, runs one thumb over his cheek. It comes away gray with ash.

"If the Queen will not hear my audience," Mordechai says, glancing at her thumb, "the Queen will hear me as--"

"The Queen will not hear you rail on!" Esther says. "Do you think I'm some messenger -- you know what he did to Vashti, to his concubines, he will not be kind to me!"

A different man would laugh. Mordecai says, "Do you think that there's anything you can do that will make him treat a Jewess kindly? Or do you think that he will embrace you, with his bloodstained hands, do you think that you will sleep well at night?"

Esther snaps her fingers; Hasach hands her a cloth, and she picks up Mordecai's hand to scrub it clean. After a minute: "You do not know what you're asking of me."

"I do know," Mordecai says. He pulls his hand away. "I am asking you to risk your life so that you do not lose it."

"You're the one who told me to come here," Esther says. "I would not have disavowed myself, save for your advice, and now--"

"Now I am asking you to take it one more time." Mordecai shakes his head, slow. "Hadassah. I know what I'm asking. You are the light of my old age."

"Oh," says Esther, blankly.

She pulls back.

"I am the light of your old age," she says, handing the cloth to Hasach. "I see. Then I will go into the king, and ask him to save us. And most likely, he will have me killed, and our people killed beside for arrogance, and you will have condemned us sooner, Mordecai, but I will do what you ask of me."

Mordecai bows his head, then stands.

Esther presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Please remember," she says. "I walked up Mount Moriah on my own."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [And if I Perish](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10203869) by [YaeL (thesometimeswarrior)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/YaeL)




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